Should I feel special

My friend was to worried about me to go wherever she had to go this evening, so she came straight home from work.

She is sweet, but i must make sure that i'm not misjudging, after all, any slight form of 'care' would exceed the wifes greatest attempts.

excuse me,
I have to hurry up do nothing.

Talk to you later Dorna?

I need to define my emotional swings

Things you let pass as misc.

Went see my daughter, and while with her beside the road a neighbour of hers passes and stops, the man started speaking and she began responding, she needs an academy award.
The before and after is untrusting. Its untrusting, point blank.

The ease of perputration is no different to the serpent in the beginning, but there are really nice people out there, she's just not one of them.

Everyone she got introduced to, worked with or saw too often got all she had to offer, except me of coarse.

When i met her she was switching jobs, she was then working for an ex boyfriend.

He stopped me the other day to tell me what he thought i should know since it seems i was ignorant to all.

Man, you want to know, but not to be told, especially when he says it front of others who are normally with him because they all knew as well.

Waddifok!!!!! The level of disrespect


How can she live with herself. I want to hose myself off from the inside out. thats not why I gave her my last name. To be the one whoes wife is easy to screw. Geez, my blessings from this one has to be very rewarding.

I don't feel shame anymore, that was over when Shelby was born. I have actively tried not to have to hold anything against her but it ain't working.


I knew about the year 2000, but not about the constant activity throughout my courtship and upto wedding date and then ongoing, it just never stopped.

Anyway, everybody wants a bite but doesn't want it to bite back, she has no selrespect and no respect from anyone except when they want their kicks, her friends giggle at her position and she is clueless to it all. Even her counsil thinks she's gone clear.

I got flattered today, i was told that I did what i had to, this girlfriend was telling me that everyone who knew her thought she finally settled down. Now i know why people said those little remarks, from smart advertising to the guy her cousin was trying to warn me about after my wedding. I thought the cousin just wanted in my pants, but all she did was try and warn me until the wife threatened the child to leave me alone. How did my wife get home from the pool party anyway.

When i should have taken heed, I felt sorry for her and thought that no-one cared for her as I could. But she poisoned what was sacred and it just wasn't ever honest enough for her to build on.

I always told her that she wasn't ready for marriage and commitment. I just didn't realise to what extent.

The lesson? leave sleeping dogs where they lay, raising them up and making them friendly for petting is just until they start to bite your own *ss, thats why they are stray dogs, their previous owners had good reason to get rid of them.

You wouldn't believe that now she's gone, the dog we got as a wedding gift that ran away has suddenly come back home like he never left. So maybe i should say, let sleeping women sleep. Trust rabbied dogs first.

To finally address the topic. I am going through some serious mood swings and making sure I don't victimise my new company, so i've asked her to give me some time, she doesn't need to spend quality time comforting other peoples damaged goods, she put my toy in the safe and changed the digital combination, i guess she doesn't trust me alone with it.



So

1. don't marry any female who proposes first, they just want to use you to seem structured, plus, no-one else will ask but a sucker, so check yourself.

2. if all she does is introduce you to fellas, take note of their expression and beware of smirks, I got smirks very often. Just didn't know why.

Disgusting.

My daughter does not deserve a mother like that. Sexuality should not have to dominate your life and keep away your true potential. Can't sample forever.

Good luck to the next sucker, don't forget your trojans. Even through marriage.


Now people, thanks for tolerating my ranting, I have now farted for the day. Let me see if I could arrange some cuddling, evening getting chilly.

The mind is really unsettled tonight

My company fell asleep and I can't, so.

I'll go browse something pleasant, like the blog of Dorna

One more rant before bed

I had a need to double check my spelling of promiscuety, wasn't really used in my vocab until a few weeks ago, so uncommonly I googled it from my toolbar. BAG A WORMS.

google 'promiscuous wife', cool
i'm not the only one ranting like a stuck pig.

I remember her laying the law early in the marriage, 'just don't embarras me' meaning when I do mess around like i'm expected to.

Well I did flurt hard-core to a point, but always counted to ten and turned my head. But apparently, there's no reason not to embarass me, no problem, you've done it for yourself, your lies aren't fooling those that really know you, and theres hardly anyone in your age group who doesn't know someone who's life you've affected, this is a small town, as you always say. You just in the Passa Passa, no wonder your opinion it the ministers responce in the news was so thourough, you'd already justified your recent experience. Good luck and may God bless you.

googled rants: http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/pianist/98.html
http://mandrake.net/comments.plsid=1830&op=&threshold=0&commentsort=0&mode=thread&pid=1200

http://www.pervscan.com/2003/09/27/man-cuts-off-penis-to-teach-wife-lesson/

promiscuety

The whole this just amazes, the 'love is blind' crap is really true, people that I knew before her just never told me anything because they thought i would be the one to change her, yeah right.

Turns out a whole country knew something I didn't, I didn't know she was another summercrew girl back in the day, A close partner of mine, admits what he and the other guys did with my wife on the beach everytime they skinny dipped.

She was simply not what she portrayed period. After seven years of lieing and walking on eggshells. I'm fedup, the momories aren't stopping, the hundreds of thousands of things i never understood are all just revising on its own and giving so many enlightenments per day that i wish it would be done already.

So how many kids do I have, at this point, either one or none, except for the chinese/canadian acrobat that i never saw again, she wrote me like a year later with insinuations of a baby. but i'm not clear. So if my daughter is mine, It would be one official kid.

This is a really sour point with me right now so i'll wrap up for the night. My first easter without my daughter. Selfish, promiscuety, hope to God it was worth this. For your sake.

Exactly how does one who sins from day one in marriage feel nothing about taking communion on Easter Sunday, I guess the devil has many agents. Time to say a prayer and go to bed.

God bless them all.

Old habits showing up

I brought a friend to a small private lopital last week, not until there did I remember that I'd been eyeing pharmacist a few weeks ago when i brought in another partner, not the most beautiful girl, but sure carries herself sweet. Short, on heels and handling them like she's already in my room, had to talk to her. I seeked advice on my tickly throat thing. haha, she can also converse, hmmm, i made her repeat all the cautions of my purchase and possible side effects, she so cute.

My stupid ass now, goes to the front desk to pay, asking about the pharmacists orientation, i was told sternly 'aren't you married', as prepared as a bachelor should be, i was quick to respond 'not if her wedding band is now on my keyring' while raising my keys, she smiled at me and said 'i'll put a word in for you'. hehehehe, pheonix rising, I might still have a chance.

Two x-rays later, after watching her prance back and forth expertly in those heels,a sudden turnoff, the 'farmarcist' burbled something without thinking, something about her being invisible, I don't know boy, I think thats when she turned me off, she should not have responded when i said i didn't see her pass by that last time. But i'd like to see what she looks like with that robe and heels on with nothing else. I bet its the same as I imagine. down boy Horny in a hospital ? Life is unpredictable, make yourself comfortable.

I think i'll pass by the lopital this week, last weeks 'have a nice week' would have worn out by then.

and to think I pulled my daughter out myself right above where that pharmacist worked, little did I know.

暗殺者

I learnt two things today

or rather i was reminded of a life I had thought i'd never return to, anyway, but tonight I broke my iceburg lettuce diet. I kinda broke it earlier in the week when i deep fried some chicken I picked up, I ate because of the m**chies, but the memory makes me want to puke. I'm really off meat.


But tonight, while eyeing my daughters pumpkin cubes in the freezer, I found those steaks that I had cooked for the yingyang after her lawyer asked to try reconciliation for the sake of my daughter before going the extreme other way. (read that loud in one breath, I be comma-phobic)

Well, my young friend had picked up some american mild pepper sauce, the kind you can use as a base to make real sauce, and real sauce was born tonight. two dips infact, blended some mushrooms and A1 steak sauce and then the pepper dip.
BLISS!!!.....................................................MUDDERFADDA

Dready, pure bliss, i musta been hungry, the whole house smells wonderfully of every ingredient, especially the fried onions.

Anyway. i'm sure there was something depressing I wanted to vent about.


On a note thats not depressing, the wonderful support that my lifelong sweetheart has so naturally given me over the last two years have kept me sane, you've kept me reminded of my true selve just by your familiarity. Though the two of us have never been technically sane, especially when we meet face to face, skin to skin, and we sweat, while time flies.

Those steaks were heaven on earth.

Why didn't I marry you instead.

Sixteen years ago I didn't realise that I had already met the right one, I've been actually rating everyone else against you, and the freakiest freaks can't match up. I pretended you were simply unavailable. Different world syndrome.

Sorry.

When you're ready to give it all up you can join me where ever I am, but do it before we turn to geriatric statistics.

Ditto Dorna

They Counterbalanced my favorite Glock

A modified glock 27 takes advantage of the extra gas chamber from proprietry rounds that make the firearm stay steady under fire, the modified 'harrier' sleeve adds 2ozs where it's needed, further balancing the little demon killer. Optional prototypes carry a small rechargable canister that releases compressed co2.

hmm, modern arms and legs

Unfortunately these mods are not available to the public, period.


Bliss.

Well, blood will spill

Well, yes its a promise.

Some gunyeilding Lucian thugs have managed to beat up my sista, the police say they can't find them, but they still manage to openly eye the house and make threats.

Take heed, youngschool will meet oldschool and blood will spill legally.


They can't walk in shadows forever.


Time for some fun.

暗殺者 is unchained.googlet.spuutork.frothblower.grenorgeda45-348.net

How are people getting my phone number

I got two calls today, obviously their origin must have something in common.

Both fellas identified themselves proper, obviously they had a conversation prior to calling me, some guys apparently either hate my wife or feel vengefull. I appreciate the info and all but I think I now know i'n not dreaming anymore but I definately was never awake, she just never stopped,like a sickness, for the age that she's at right now, and the reference that RickyC is making is absolutely shamefull. Geez, how does she hold her chin up.

Special Thanks to

Chris A
Celia P
Frank A
Sherma H
Mr.Brown
Berry Whatever


Thats some sour stuff, I didn't expect so much feedback, it seemed like things needed to come off your chests.

To think, i used to point out to her the grenadian guy that used to work in Barclays Slu and was always by me checking my then in-law. Didn't know she had a past with the pony tailed indian.

She has real issues and now i have issues as well, mine is temp though,hopefully.

Real Deep shit.

BeBO

I mean 11/12 I used to lime with a bus driving bredren called Steve, his best bus was BeBo, we had a good time.
But the lasting impression of him on me was Steele Pulse, repetitive but not an earsore, I always heard something new everytime I heard the songs
Anyway, I could never relate to the Leggo Beast song, as a youth it sounded like this woman had eight legs and spun a web.

I now understand the placement of each word, the songwriter been through it.

Of coarse, for those ignorant to the pulse, heres a few lyrics.


Steele Pulse, Leggo Beast


In the twilight of the evening
The moon shines bright
Bread is pleasant when eaten in secret
Bosom of fire must resist it
This woman is flirting this woman deceiving
This woman misleading this woman is cheating
Choose to her content and fancy
Husband's gone she hanky pankies
Husband's gone
I know a lady lady of easy virtue
Uptown lady lady of easy virtue
Leggo--Leggo--Woman you cheat too much
Leggo beast me say fe stay at your yard
Leggo beast loves to play
Loves to play while her husband's gone


http://www.lyricsdownload.com/steel-pulse-leggo-beast-lyrics.html

Older folk

Hark,

It seems that this sorta thing happens in mankind all the time, funny i have such easy conversation with anyone twenty years older and above, less stress in reading gestures and facial expressions and just all round higher level of honesty or absolute dishonesty.

I was heading to bed at 7:30am yesterday when I heard a honk, another 'not young' partner, and boy the stories he had to tell, someone needs to ignore the boxes women get and look into why they're getting boxed, usually the action of emotional abuse and deprivation of simple caring attitude results in the re-action of physical abuse, if it wasn't for the DeGale experiences i'd have pulped her back in 2000, and the time in 2001 and the girls weekend (for reading), yeah, for reading, a bunch of hyeeeee girls evacuate to a lone house in the south to be together, well the bushes weren't as comfortable, but Mike was a PRA soldier back in the day, he can sit in the bush for days with a bottle a water and a pack a cricks in a non crinkly bag, not very good photos but it proves who came and went from the house, that was then back then, she kept calling me on the home phone even if it was cheaper to call my cell, needed to make sure i was home,thanks again Mike, sick oleyouth. There is no better word that describes a s*ut better than sl*t, it sounds like what it is.

I forgot, the tests came in a couple days ago, everything clear except one, don't panic until its repeated. I won't react about this one, the symtoms been around for some time but it proves that there was issues with protection barriers, must have been 'in the heat of the moment' kinda things (bladder infection my ass). She actually gave verbal tags/flags pertaining to all sorts, mind you, she never said much, so when she did say anything it stuck in the head, thats what should have been committed to diary, its been really easy to remember the tags, most often they would come out of her face while driving TO work like a leaky brain. Anyway, i don't think i'll keep that point close to the surface, see how to cure this before I take my rage out on her, she shoulda kept her fleas and bugs out of the crappy home bed.

Another thing is the use of the pill, secrecy is a bitch.

I promised not to go there, so i'll try not to anymore. girls out weekend my ass, she shoulda check the bushes instead of calling me to see where i was. f**k da plane, da snakes were in the bushes, day and night, and they weren't cheap snakes, put a hole in my book.

There,
i've farted, and now i feel better.

YOUR'E JUST A LITTLE MAN!!!!

Whatever, the child became her own enemy, even her deceit was fake as deceived herself out of her full potential, everyone whispered around me anytime i was out with her, please note, this is only a brief venting series, so no ones further non-supportive opinion matters shit right now to me, maybe later when it's irrelavant.

I'm not used to walking people home in the dark, feels like regression, an attempt at being teenage is what it feels like, it feels like i'm cheating, a few weeks ago it would have been the furthest thing on my mind but people apparently don't want to be seen again first light, it was awkward that morning and i wished it hadn't happened.
Ditto?

Funny what i miss, I didn't expect to miss checking on Shelby while she slept and then checking on YingYang to see if she had any mosquitous on her face, I did it every half hour any time I did late hours in front of the crt, which was most nights of existance, brainswelling open source ad-hoc wireless development under CaribbeanHub/4gHub was the obsession that kept my brain occupied and blinded, the community is so large now that i've lost track of all the contributers, it's still fun.

I look forward to actually meeting johnson in person, he proofs me and I try to proof him as quickly but in consistant vain. After getting to the point of 18 hours a day it became obvious that i was putting in too much, can't get anyone reliable to help with the project but i'm not giving up, my work has earned me sole credits. Look out for the results of the cowave merger,It should be up in a few days. Hopefully.

God Bless

VATO/ and i'll admit what i know

When i found out about the first i know of we were living in Laborie, she had sent a cell phone home for me to be able to contact her, or rather, the other way around.

I was told that i should watch her, I ignored that, wasn't looking for drama.
Well we eventually moved to Mt.Parnassus after a thick and thin episode. In connection with that episode, i was finally told what points went against her for her to be fired,anyway, I pushed her motivationally to enter the desktop publishing arena,with positive signs of its potential she was sourced an 8-4 by her uncle.

within weeks she started being dropped off at home, and since it was saturday, the guy would bring a partner to cut the grass, (justified his presence) anyway...

getting to the point, one who i did not really consider a partner came home and told me that i should come with him now

What i saw was felt hard by me, from that point on i decided not to do shit that meant sacrifice for her.In fact, i'll do nothing that she could benefit from, not with that solid horn going on.

Well, she kept on being the sweet creature i thought she was, gulping wine and competing with me for cigarettes, in fact, she'll buy cigarettes from then on.

The level of her deceit made me hard, intolerable, impatient and frustrated, things i loved to do just wasn't interesting any more, never finished projects started and mood swings from me reminded me constantly of my stepfather, those memories are what stopped me from ever lunging at her, but the slightest stupidity from her would throw me into a fit when it would be followed by mentally blocking games.

Anyway, i figured i was paying for old sins so i'll do the time and see if we could climb up out of it, they were still seeing each other, in fact, they themselves had ups and downs that i paid for with attitude, arguments and her trying damn hard to get me to hit her, even actually saying 'hit me', always on Sundays, many many Sundays. You know what? I stop interaction levels on Sundays and made sure there was no red wine in the house, there seemed to be a problem with white wine and aggression.

So
The consumption of red wine grew, to the point where a friend commented on the the box of bottles outside in the verandah, couldn't have that, i stopped collecting them and started throwing them daily. I thought things had died between them, but one Saturday she came to me with a pregnancy test result that i still have in a ziplock. well i was making brakes for some old car of mine when she hit me with the news. Damn.

So, i'm not challenging the fatherhood until we all see baby, even after I was convinced, I was still being told stuff, you know what? i'll have to stop being in public with her, i was fedup of how casually people would tell me 'boy that baby not yours boy', i used to hint to the wife, and by the time I was finished i'd pinpoint things on her that look like mine. My ears, some bone structure and my rounded finger. Anyway

I thought this was the real point of settling down, i don't remember at which point that i was driving her and she said to me that he has gone to england because his girlfriend is going to have a baby, my response was that i didn't know he had a girlfriend.

I'm still not contributing directly, went to england myself and setup a couple merchant accounts based on existing accounts i held there from 13 years earlier. i needed a way to receive funds without it being in Grenada. I was given a CC against the funds already in the account, beautiful, now i have VEX MONEY.

I had completely shut her off as an attachment of mine, every single time she asked me to come to bed I made it my pleasure. I had tried to take moonlit walks etc, her conscience made it impossible, for even casual talk.

But, I continued doing the time, Shelby was growing beautifully, so was my hosting reseller accounts, took a chance and put an ad in PcMag,the cost scared me, i ran it only once and it returned three-fold, now i turned the idle. She'll get to the end of this road herself, when she's ready.

Then her Dad passed her inheritance upfront, seeing that people have settled and ting, she goes to the bank and of coarse starts to bitch about the difference it would make if i can contribute, that kinda jogged me, enough already on the needless sacrificing, we need to start passing it. So I start making arrangements to lean against other property in SLU. For some reason it didn't feel right. but, thats the mother of my child and I want security for my little choonky. Not that Inever intended but i felt the time wasn't right, she needed to be around five years old proper.

Anyway, she finally broke and said we have to talk seriously.

She'd been planning it for a while now, while pretending to want company for shelby.
She damn good, pity she still trying to find herself.

When I grow up i'm not going to trust anyone with any slight behavioral habits similar to hers.

Anyway, she's not being honest with her associates by letting them believe that because we are splitting up i'm scratching to see what i could find out.

Sad. After holding an observatory position and staying in the backseat.

Disturbing Pic?

Its hard to see her looking like this, especially now.

Welcome side effects

Oh my, the new friend is so impressed, luckily I had visited the scale after YingYang one day and found i was 82kg.

Today i was forced onto the scale to discover i'm now 67kg, what happened? :)

Oh my, i was eyeing the used exercise machine in the house and decided to adjust it to fit me, that really felt good. Where's my tummy?

Being a redesignated typical bachelor, I have neglected to do laundry this weekend, forced me to dig up after my shower, I found an old LaCosta shirt that i know is not supposed fit, you know the rest. i feel slim mer. I definately lost the fat on my legs and arms, neck, chest and face, its amazing how different it feels, with the exception of a couple steaks today, i've been pigging out on an iceberg lettuce diet, another friend convinced me to try with diced bell peppers with my salads, she knows the real ting, adding flavor to everything. Now to increase the tension bands on that old machine.

Updates may follow if i feel like it.

Got Red Bull?, throw it away, buy yourself a Monster energy drink and lose them faggety wings.